The Sunday Roast

1) In less 48 hours I will have officially finished my exams. This has dragged on for too long. And the worst part? I've already started exam preparation for next year. I'm sat in class thinking 'BUT I HAVEN'T FINISHED THESE EXAMS YET.'

Friends, I am seriously thinking about joining the circus.

2) Just heard that my Granfy lost his first bid on Ebay today. Maybe this will quash any forthcoming addictions.

3) I started reading '1984' by George Orwell this week and, even though it may seem like a crazy exploration of humanity and morality, it's actually a really great read so far. Feeling pretty lit.

4) So, from reading the blog (which I'm so glad you do) you've probably, I dunno, conjured up an image of me in your head? Does that sound totally weird? Do you not do that at all?
Oh well, I'll start as I mean to go on...
What I mean to say is, if you've thought in the past, "I bet Jess is totally outdoorsy and loves camping and hill walking and rain and mud. Y'know, being a Somerset gal an'all."
Um. I hope you don't think that. I hate telling people they're wrong. It's not my thing.
But you are. I like my shower, sofa, oven and bed.
So why-in-da-hell am I going to Glastonbury this year? I need to remind myself that I'm 17. Not 70.

5) I did the Velo Vintage this Saturday and I have to say, it. was. incredible. Or spiffing, I suppose I should say (lol). Now, I'll probably do a separate post about it this week, but - uh - here's a little taster for y'all. Take a look...

Intrigued now, aren'tcha?

6) I want an ice cream maker. Now.

7) This weather has been rubbish for Pimms.

8) I've started growing mint in my garden! It's been planted for a few weeks now, so I've been on a frenzied recipe collecting spree, determined to make the best of it.

9) Who's happy that Tony Robinson was knighted this week? Actually, who wouldn't be? #cunningplan.

10) Have all your Papas enjoyed fathers day? I think mine did. Although, after a big gigantic Sunday lunch, my excuse that I couldn't move must've worked. Because he washed up.

This is why I love you, Dad.

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The Sunday Roast - And alternative titles.

1) I kinda wanna give this post a couple of names - the reasons of which will (hopefully) reveal themselves as this post continues. If not. Then read over it again.. and again... and - all right, you don't get it. Move along.
Title 1 - The Sunday Roast
Title 2 - Baked Tortilla Improv
Title 3 - Grandmother's attic

3 titles? Oooh, let's see where this post takes us, shall we?

2) Did anyone else watch Made in Chelsea last Monday? Utter blood bath, I tell you. Literals. I cannot wait for tomorrow's episode. Many more awkward silences to come, my friendz. Many more...

3) Yeah, so the second title? I was kinda stuck fo'lunch one day this week. Stuck inside revising (I know, I agree, this exam lark has gone on for long enough...) kinda gives me the munchaaaays. Looking in the fridge I saw nothin'. Bit of sad looking salad, chutney, ham and - oh, hello... huuuuuuuuuuuuuuumus. 3 big potfuls of it. I got on that.
Helloooooo baked tortilla chips!
Here's what you gotta do...

Rustle up some tortilla wraps (preferable white), rapeseed/canola oil, salt, paprika and curry powder.
Cut up the tortilla wraps into 8 triangles,

Brush with oil,

Sprinkle with spices,

Bake on 180 degrees until crispy, spicy, and delightful.

4) hey, hey, hey.. what d'you call cheese that's not yours? Nacho Cheese.

(I'm serious. Say it aloud. I'm funny, I promise.)

5) Chester sat in the veg trug. He's so diva. He's independent. He don't need no man.

6) Mum's going to harvest the carrots and radishes outta this babaaay next week! Oh gad, yum.

7) What's everyone thinking present-wise for fathers day next Sunday? Cheesecake. Always.

8) Y'know, even though I'm totally bummed because the oven's on the blink, it's a pure example in my life right now that every cloud has a silver lining. Why? Because just a short 10 minute drive away is my Nana and Granfy's house. Complete with a working oven.
There's something about N&G's house (as we more fondly call it) that I really, really love. It's a part of me, I guess. Etched into some of my happiest memories.
And yet, some of these memories are still being made here, they always will be.

It's a place with a distinctive smell : usually of cooking, Nana's perfume, and chocolate covered raisins.

It's a place where not only memories are made, but can be found too. If you look hard enough.

When I was a really little girl, I'd spend hours and hours looking through Nana's old jewellery box, trying on necklaces, bracelets and rings, much too big for my 6 year old fingers. But I loved them and the stories that Nana told me about them.
On Saturday, I decided I'd had enough of revision, and needed to bake - badly - so organised a trip to N&G's for the afternoon. When we arrived, Nana beckoned me upstairs - "I've got some things to show you".

For about the hour that followed Nana, my mum and I rooted through my great-grandfather's old suitcase and found things even Nana had forgotten about...

Why do black and white photos always look so perfect?

A very young Nana and Granfy.

... and after all that rummaging and treasure hunting, Nana and I turfed everyone out of the kitchen and made jam tarts. My favourite thing to make when I was a 10 year old baker-to-be.

Nana's never lost her baking mojo...

And unlike mine, her oven brought the goods.
Maybe my oven can stay broken for a little longer.

9) Eatin' profiteroles right now. Watchin' CSI. Peace out. Happy Sunday.

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The Sunday Roast

1) Well, whadduya know?
I had some quite negative shenanigans with regards to my beloved oven... we thought it had gone kaput.
Well, my friendies, it managed to cook roast dinner today. RESULT.

But would it bake a cake?
Of course not.
Came out as flat as a pancake. And raw.

Pssssh. Wishful thinking.

2) I got totally chic and had natural yoghurt with my muesli this morning. It was actually crazily delish.

3) Speaking of breaky, I have made an oath to myself to start eating more interesting breakfasts, thanks to this blog. Yah. I completely and utterly do not deny the fact that it is too late for new years resolutions... But better late that never, right? (it's how I justify last minute revision).

4) Has anyone watched the Great Gatsby yet? I haven't. Did they manage to convey the whole American Dream thaang? No?
Oh well. I bet Leo is fab.

5) A friend from my French class (yea, hola Verity) has told me about this new French drama being aired on Sunday. Excited isn't even the word. Mon dieu.

6) Does clearing out your room kinda make you sad? Yeah. Does me. Especially when you find little friendship bracelets at the back of your drawers.
That's right. Plural. Friendship Bracelets. Don't look so surprised! I was popular. Once upon a time.

7) Strawberries are out people! And not just any strawberries. Cheddar Strawberries, my pals. They're gorgeous. They're the real deal. They supply Wimbledon. Need I say more?
Oh yeah, and we got through 2 large punnets in two days. 'Kay, I'm done now.

8) The parents and I decided to take a walk today.. just 'cause I don't get personal often (lie) this is where I live. West country and spectacular.

9) I can't stop eating Toblerone, guys.

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For the love of bikes

Everyone.
Batten down the hatches.
Flee your cities.
Hide in your basements.
Pray to the lord.
Eat some cake.
Do anything to save yourselves.

Why?

'Cause I'm hulking out. That's why.

IT'S THE OVEN, GUYS.
MY OVEN IS BROKEN.

Yeah. It's pretty devastating news... means no cake, cupcakes, brownies, biscuits.
Nothin'.
Zilch. Zeeeroo.

Looks like I'm going to be making best friends with no-bake recipes for the foreseeable future.
But hey, I ain't complaining (much), 'cause look what fell into my vintage-lovin' hands this week!

Guys... meet Bluebell.
Okay, she didn't fall into my hands. I kinda leapt onto her..
We went round to chez-Grandparents for an afternoon in the sun, they opened up the blind and BAM.
There she was. Gleamin', beamin', beautiful.

I just had to take her out for a spin. Dad bought Bluebell about a month ago, and being the crazy bike enthusiast that he is (well, everyone's gotta have a hobby) he gave her a wash, bought her a new basket and voilà!
Bluebell was born.

And just in time for the Velo Vintage!

Yep, I'm taking part this year with Father Shiner and he's going to look a little something like this...

How embarrassing.
Give Granfy's bike back!
You rascal.

And if this all wasn't enough, Nana rubbed her working oven and baking prowess scrumptiously in my face.
Cream tea anyone?

Cheddar scones for Father, of course. Being a fiend for savoury an'all.

How terribly British. What, what?

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The Sunday Roast

Hi. It's totally me again.

Thought you'd got rid of me for another week? Well yah. You did.
I bet it was stupidly lonely and laugh-less though...
Am I right, or am I right?

1) Hug me. It's Monday tomorrow.

2) I've been muchin' on these. All week. Revision makes me so huuuungreh.

3) In case you were wondering, (which I know you always do) exams are actually going kinda well right now. It's completely my excuse for not baking a whole lot this week... but hey, what's a gurl to do? Gotta get ma grades. Then I can make all the friggin' delicious browniez I like.

And for all of you out there taking exams at the moment, you're going to relate to this.
I really do apologise for bringing up all the pain/hand cramps/oh-my-god-I'm-a-failure-crying-fits, but here is my week in photos.
Hey, don't look like that... you never know, it might cheer you up. Might.

4) Understatement of the year, I feel.

5) I am super proud of my colourful French tense revision. Took ages. Bloody ages.
So worth it.

6) "I am malicious because I am miserable." -   Huh. I feel ya there, buddy.

7) SO MUCH COLOUR. CAN'T. HANDLE. IT.

8) A sharpie jug will save your life. I'm not even kidding - the blue one's my fave.

9) Staedtler coloured fineliners. Makin' revision bearable since 1835.

(yeah, I Wikipedia'd Staedtler's founding date. Don't judge. I've memorised a stooooopid amount of Frankenstein quotes this week.)

10) I just love random acts of kindness. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally cliché, but it's true. And look what turned up out of the blue the other day...

Isn't it gorgeous! And inside? A beautiful pair of pearl earrings - a good luck present from a family friend.
It took me completely by surprise, and actually really moved me... just shows, it's worth the effort to make someone smile.

11) Look at this, what do you see? (Other than those damned revision plans):

I totally know what you're thinking...
"Is that Eurovision I see printed in beautiful handwriting and in an exclamatory form - therefore signalling it's importance?"
Well, yes. Yes, you do.

For me, Eurovision takes pride of place on my timetable, because it's the highlight of my year. Serious.
I made these to take to Harry's. We watch it every year. It's a tradish.
Don't believe the hype? Don't know what Eurovision is? Firstly : What is wrong with you. Secondly : Google it. You will not be disappointed.
Here is the winner from this year's competition! I bet on her to win. Harry lost. He predicted Germany. Pfft. Eurovision amateur right there.  

12) I made smoothie!! It was pretty scrum. Though, kinda needs an iddy biddy bit a'tweakin'.
Jus'saying. They're a great revision snack. In between the crying fits.

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The Sunday Roast

Bonsoir everyone! (yeah, I'm getting ready for my French speaking exam. Which, ahem, is on Tuesday. Oh my,my,my,my,my,my,my,my,my...)

Brace yourselves. I'm going to do something different right now.

I know, I know... what's going on? I'm mixing it up. Big style.

So here it is guys. My new initiative! It's a little bit more personal than just a recipe, and I've taken inspiration from other blogs who do similar things to this.
I'm pretty excited about it! It just means you kinda, get to know me more and hopefully, I might get to know you more.
Plus, I'll be keeping up my 'one-post-every-week' mantra. Which, I understand has been a bit, well, rubbish recently.
Stoooopid exams. Stoooopid revision. Stoooopid everything.

And the title? Well, I think 'The Sunday Roast' is quite an apt name
Roasting the previous week and whatnot. Always with lashings of gravy. Always.

So, lets get this show on the road, shall we?

This could either prove, or spectacularly shatter any illusions that I'm a really boring person.

Let's do this.

1) Oh. HELLO. What are those two beautiful photos up deeeerrr? Well, they're my Granfy's birthday cakes! Yeah.. he's easily pleased.

"How about a Frangipane tart Granfy?"
"Coffee and walnut?"
"No thanks Jess. I just like a good ol'cupcake."
Literally. What? He's like, the easiest customer. Ever. Every family needs a Granfy.

And I KNOW, it seems like I'm stuck ridin' on the Birthday Bake Bus. It's a rut. But I'll totally get off. Soon. Spontaneously. Probably in Scotland.

Anyway, I think Granfy enjoyed the cakes. Bless.

2) Ahem. Uh. On the subject of Birthdays... uh. well. uhm. This is a little awkward but, uh...

I'VE RECENTLY TURNED 17. OH MY GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.
17 sounds so much older than 16 doesn't it?!
Don't worry. I totally understand that you didn't get me a card or anything.
I'm not bitter. Nope. Not me. At all.

3) Oh, my. Is that the rumbling of an engine I hear in the distance? The unmistakable rumbling of a blue 2005 Vauxhall Corsa to be precise. DATS RIGHT. I'M CRUISIN' FOR A BRUISIN'. YE-AH.

Oh look at us. I have been personally designated as Harry's chauffeur for the foreseeable future.

Of course, I'll have to learn to drive first... DETAILS, DETAILS.
I don't even care. I have a car. The 'L' plates are on. Let's tear up the tarmac.

4)  You know those things that just kinda.. make your tummy feel all warm and fuzzy inside? I get that a lot. Because a lot of things make me happy. But nothing really makes me happier than when someone puts the time aside to bake something special. Just for you. And this year, on my Birthday, I was lucky enough for people to do just that.

First off : Mumma Shiner. Y'know, if you saw us together you'd know instantly that we were mother and daughter. We look the same. Talk the same. Laugh at the same things. I think it freaks people out sometimes.

But, very much unlike me, Mumma very much dislikes baking. I know. Crazy. I guess the cakey gene skipped a generation.
But this year was different, AND LOOK AT WHAT SHE MADE. Teaming up with my Nana, the two of them made this beautiful thing for my Birthday! I saw it. I melted. I had 1... 2 pieces. Okay 3.
But oh sweet Mary Berry was it amazing. Looks like the cakey gene didn't skip a generation after all.

Ohmigod. Don't these look delish? It's cause they were. My wonderful friend Jamie (who makes the best Turkey burgers and wasabi sauce. Like, ever) very kindly thrust this exciting looking tin into my hands. Oh my word. I tell you. Brownie cupcakes? I was not disappointed. And nor were hungry lunch-timers. 

Okay, so. Hands up. Who loves mini things?

ME, ME, ME, ME, ME!
Literally, puppies. Sausage rolls. Frogs. Teeny weeny tiny cakes. LIKE THESE ONES.
Oh goodness. Don't they just make your heart melt?
And not only that...

They were jam-packed into a cake tin. All for me!!

Absolutely gorgeous. And truly delicious. I really envy the baking abilities of my friend Rosie.
She can just look at flour, sugar and eggs and it turns into something beautiful.

And here is the lovely lady herself! Thank you so much Rosie. You really do look dazzling in that tiara.

And last, but by absolutely no means least. These absolutely adorable butterfly cakes made by the gorgeous Jenny (the studious looking one in the red top). Not only were these superbly light, they even had a little glazing of jam underneath the butter cream! Jenny said she wanted to recreate my favourite cake (Victoria sponge) but in miniature! She knows me so, so well.

5) HOLD UP GUYS. The Great British Bake Off won a BAFTA tonight!! Mel and Sue never looked so happy. No sign of Benedict Cumberbatch though. Sad.

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Cookies and Cream Fudge Oreo Brownies. (aw, yeah.)

Oh my goodness, guys. Congratulations.

No. Seriously. If I could, I'd give you a massive bear hug right now.
You've made it through another week.
And even though you've probably suffered some bumps and bruises along the way (metaphorically of course. However, if it applies to you literally, I wanna know what happened. You obviously had a crazier week than me.) it's finally Friday evening. And you're alive.

Go and get yourself a cup of tea. You so deserve it.

The weeks seem to be whoosing past us at a pretty unnerving rate, right now, don't they?

In fact, their whooshing has been so fast, that I'm all disorientated. And I completely forget what time it is, what day it is, even what month it is.

Marty Mcfly. I know how you feel. I've got your back.

Unfortunately though, not everyone's problems can be solved with a flux capacitor.
Even if you have it on a t-shirt.
Though... I wouldn't mind a beat up DeLorean. That would be kinda cool.

And if you're at school/college right now, you'll know what I'm talking about when I say:
"okay, you lot. These next couple of months are the most important months of your lives..."

Let's face it. They say it every year. But I guess it still matters.

For those who haven't quite cottoned on yet?
It's code. It's school code. It's school code for "This shizz is serious. Get your game-face on. It's exam time."

And in amongst all the revision, staying late after school, doing homework, re-doing homework (worst. thing. ever.) it gets pretty darn difficult to find time for yourself, for your friends, for a book, for a bake.

And, well, these brownies are a kinda great excuse for making up for lost time.
For having a break in between writing an essay on Frankenstein, and doing French grammar.
Or for inviting a friend over, having a baking afternoon. Feeling great 'cause you've already finished writing about  Shakespeare's Original Performance Conditions.

And c'mon. They have oreos in them.
Surely you're just sold on that, right? Yeah. I know you.

My situation was a little different, however. I've been making this recipe for god knows how long, and I've been desperately wanting to share it!
I baked this for a meeting at school. Cake was demanded. Brownies of epic proportions were delivered.

I don't think anyone complained.

Fudge-y. Goo-ey. Oreo-y. Nom. Nom. Nom.

Please, for me. If you do anything for yourself this weekend. Let it be setting the time aside to bake these little beauties. You owe it to yourself.
(and if you want my honest opinion, I'm sure ol'Billy Shakespeare will let you off.)

 P.S. just a big wave and hello to Jenni, Elizabeth, Jenny, Agnes, Katie, Harry, Tom and all the other wonderful people munching on these at the meeting this week. Your support is amazing and I have a feeling the next school year is going to be a good'un! :) mwah. x

P.P.S. if you're not following me on twitter yet. Where have you been? Haven't you heard? I'm technological now! x

Makes 19 bite size pieces. (means I'll be having 4, then.)
Ingredients
165g butter
200g dark chocolate, (about 70% cocoa solids works best) finely chopped
3 free-range eggs
2 free-range egg yolks
2tsp vanilla extract
165g soft, light brown sugar
2tbsp plain flour
1tbsp cocoa powder
pinch salt
154g pack of oreos, broken into quarters

Method
Preheat the oven to 180 degrees
Grease and line a 20cm/8in square baking/brownie tin
Melt the butter in a pan over a medium heat
When melted, remove from the heat and add the chocolate, leave to stand until the chocolate melts, then stir together
Whisk egg yolks, eggs and vanilla together in a large bowl until it gets light and fluffy
Add the sugar in two additions, whisking between each (when adding the sugar, make sure you pour it around the side of the egg mixture, so as not to knock the air out)
Keep whisking on a high speed until the mixture becomes thicker
Then, pour the chocolate into it, again around the sides
Add the cocoa powder, flour salt and 1/3 of the biscuits
Mix together until combined (you really start the smell the chocolate at this point. Deeeee-lish)
Spoon the mixture into your lined pan
Plop the remaining pieces of biscuit on the top of the mixture and press in slightly
Bake on the middle shelf of your oven for about 25-30 mins
The middle should be still goo-ey.
Leave to cool.

Salivating yet? You should be. x

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Analogies and Cinnamon Cookie Cakes of Deliciousness

Can we start with an analogy here?

I like analogies. They're sorta, your own tiny little parable, right? Always with a cute meaning at the end.
Sometimes. Most times.

And that is why we're beginning with one.

Do you like analogies?
Oh, you do? Fab.

O.K. Let's go.

So, I kinda hate being late. You know, just anywhere.
I'm pretty conscious about getting places on time, be that a train/bus/spinning session (yeah, really.) or anything that involves me looking like a complete and utter stupid-person when I finally turn up.
Like running between platforms,
or shaking my fist at the bus driver as he smugly chugs into the distance,
or trudging in reluctantly and getting the last bike left. Which is always that damned wobbly one.

But the worst, for me, is being late at school.
I mean. Being in 6th form, it's not such a scary prospect now but...
Ugh. You get my drift.

(guys, bear with me. I am totally going somewhere with this.)

You know the feeling, when the bell has long gone, and you're huffing and puffing your way through school, knowing that somewhere, there is a very quiet class and an even quieter teacher (they're always the worst) waiting for you with a stony, you're-going-to-die-because-you're-late-to-my-lesson sort of glare on their face.
And you're still running. Kinda sweating a little with fear and a need-to-go-to-gym-more mentality. Maybe if you just slink in quietly, nobody will notice?

What a joke.

You get to the door, deep breaths.
You peep your head around the side (you may have got the wrong classroom, happens to everyone)
and walk in. The personification of humiliation. With added beetroot face.

And that, my friends, is how I'm feeling right now.

Picture it.

Me. Red. Sweating. Humiliated... (okay. don't. please.)

But, why? Well, because I haven't kept to my one post a week rule.
I am that late student.
Give me as many detentions as you wish.
I am truly sorry.

But, I have made you these.
As a make-up kinda present.

I've named them 'Cookie Cakes' because I changed the original recipe and added muscovado sugar, just to give it that wholesome, hearty-cookie sorta edge.
And the almond milk? Well... I didn't have any vanilla essence on me.
Are you cool with that?

I think you'll like them.

P.S. The original recipe is in cups. I've done some rough conversions, so they may not be completely exact. Bear that in mind, my lovelies! 

Ingredients

2 cups/256g plain flour

2 teaspoons bicarb of soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1/2 teaspoon ground ginger 

6oz/170g unsalted butter, softened

11/4 cups/275g muscovado sugar

1 teaspoon almond milk

1 large egg

handful (or 2.. or 3) chocolate chips (optional)
handful (or 2.. or 3) chopped almonds (optional)

Method

Preheat oven to 180 degrees and line two baking trays with greaseproof paper

In a bowl, whisk/mix together the flour, baking soda, salt cinnamon and ginger

Beat the sugar and butter in a separate bowl until light and fluffy

And egg and almond milk, beat again

Add the previously mixed together dry ingredients at once, and beat slowly until it forms a dough

Drop the dough in tablespoon size balls onto the paper
Bake for about 10 minutes, or until browning

Cool on the pan for 5 minutes, then transfer to a wire rack

[adapted from Joy The Baker- she is amazing!)

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