The Sunday Roast

1) In less 48 hours I will have officially finished my exams. This has dragged on for too long. And the worst part? I've already started exam preparation for next year. I'm sat in class thinking 'BUT I HAVEN'T FINISHED THESE EXAMS YET.'

Friends, I am seriously thinking about joining the circus.

2) Just heard that my Granfy lost his first bid on Ebay today. Maybe this will quash any forthcoming addictions.

3) I started reading '1984' by George Orwell this week and, even though it may seem like a crazy exploration of humanity and morality, it's actually a really great read so far. Feeling pretty lit.

4) So, from reading the blog (which I'm so glad you do) you've probably, I dunno, conjured up an image of me in your head? Does that sound totally weird? Do you not do that at all?
Oh well, I'll start as I mean to go on...
What I mean to say is, if you've thought in the past, "I bet Jess is totally outdoorsy and loves camping and hill walking and rain and mud. Y'know, being a Somerset gal an'all."
Um. I hope you don't think that. I hate telling people they're wrong. It's not my thing.
But you are. I like my shower, sofa, oven and bed.
So why-in-da-hell am I going to Glastonbury this year? I need to remind myself that I'm 17. Not 70.

5) I did the Velo Vintage this Saturday and I have to say, it. was. incredible. Or spiffing, I suppose I should say (lol). Now, I'll probably do a separate post about it this week, but - uh - here's a little taster for y'all. Take a look...

Intrigued now, aren'tcha?

6) I want an ice cream maker. Now.

7) This weather has been rubbish for Pimms.

8) I've started growing mint in my garden! It's been planted for a few weeks now, so I've been on a frenzied recipe collecting spree, determined to make the best of it.

9) Who's happy that Tony Robinson was knighted this week? Actually, who wouldn't be? #cunningplan.

10) Have all your Papas enjoyed fathers day? I think mine did. Although, after a big gigantic Sunday lunch, my excuse that I couldn't move must've worked. Because he washed up.

This is why I love you, Dad.

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The Sunday Roast - And alternative titles.

1) I kinda wanna give this post a couple of names - the reasons of which will (hopefully) reveal themselves as this post continues. If not. Then read over it again.. and again... and - all right, you don't get it. Move along.
Title 1 - The Sunday Roast
Title 2 - Baked Tortilla Improv
Title 3 - Grandmother's attic

3 titles? Oooh, let's see where this post takes us, shall we?

2) Did anyone else watch Made in Chelsea last Monday? Utter blood bath, I tell you. Literals. I cannot wait for tomorrow's episode. Many more awkward silences to come, my friendz. Many more...

3) Yeah, so the second title? I was kinda stuck fo'lunch one day this week. Stuck inside revising (I know, I agree, this exam lark has gone on for long enough...) kinda gives me the munchaaaays. Looking in the fridge I saw nothin'. Bit of sad looking salad, chutney, ham and - oh, hello... huuuuuuuuuuuuuuumus. 3 big potfuls of it. I got on that.
Helloooooo baked tortilla chips!
Here's what you gotta do...

Rustle up some tortilla wraps (preferable white), rapeseed/canola oil, salt, paprika and curry powder.
Cut up the tortilla wraps into 8 triangles,

Brush with oil,

Sprinkle with spices,

Bake on 180 degrees until crispy, spicy, and delightful.

4) hey, hey, hey.. what d'you call cheese that's not yours? Nacho Cheese.

(I'm serious. Say it aloud. I'm funny, I promise.)

5) Chester sat in the veg trug. He's so diva. He's independent. He don't need no man.

6) Mum's going to harvest the carrots and radishes outta this babaaay next week! Oh gad, yum.

7) What's everyone thinking present-wise for fathers day next Sunday? Cheesecake. Always.

8) Y'know, even though I'm totally bummed because the oven's on the blink, it's a pure example in my life right now that every cloud has a silver lining. Why? Because just a short 10 minute drive away is my Nana and Granfy's house. Complete with a working oven.
There's something about N&G's house (as we more fondly call it) that I really, really love. It's a part of me, I guess. Etched into some of my happiest memories.
And yet, some of these memories are still being made here, they always will be.

It's a place with a distinctive smell : usually of cooking, Nana's perfume, and chocolate covered raisins.

It's a place where not only memories are made, but can be found too. If you look hard enough.

When I was a really little girl, I'd spend hours and hours looking through Nana's old jewellery box, trying on necklaces, bracelets and rings, much too big for my 6 year old fingers. But I loved them and the stories that Nana told me about them.
On Saturday, I decided I'd had enough of revision, and needed to bake - badly - so organised a trip to N&G's for the afternoon. When we arrived, Nana beckoned me upstairs - "I've got some things to show you".

For about the hour that followed Nana, my mum and I rooted through my great-grandfather's old suitcase and found things even Nana had forgotten about...

Why do black and white photos always look so perfect?

A very young Nana and Granfy.

... and after all that rummaging and treasure hunting, Nana and I turfed everyone out of the kitchen and made jam tarts. My favourite thing to make when I was a 10 year old baker-to-be.

Nana's never lost her baking mojo...

And unlike mine, her oven brought the goods.
Maybe my oven can stay broken for a little longer.

9) Eatin' profiteroles right now. Watchin' CSI. Peace out. Happy Sunday.

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The Sunday Roast

1) Well, whadduya know?
I had some quite negative shenanigans with regards to my beloved oven... we thought it had gone kaput.
Well, my friendies, it managed to cook roast dinner today. RESULT.

But would it bake a cake?
Of course not.
Came out as flat as a pancake. And raw.

Pssssh. Wishful thinking.

2) I got totally chic and had natural yoghurt with my muesli this morning. It was actually crazily delish.

3) Speaking of breaky, I have made an oath to myself to start eating more interesting breakfasts, thanks to this blog. Yah. I completely and utterly do not deny the fact that it is too late for new years resolutions... But better late that never, right? (it's how I justify last minute revision).

4) Has anyone watched the Great Gatsby yet? I haven't. Did they manage to convey the whole American Dream thaang? No?
Oh well. I bet Leo is fab.

5) A friend from my French class (yea, hola Verity) has told me about this new French drama being aired on Sunday. Excited isn't even the word. Mon dieu.

6) Does clearing out your room kinda make you sad? Yeah. Does me. Especially when you find little friendship bracelets at the back of your drawers.
That's right. Plural. Friendship Bracelets. Don't look so surprised! I was popular. Once upon a time.

7) Strawberries are out people! And not just any strawberries. Cheddar Strawberries, my pals. They're gorgeous. They're the real deal. They supply Wimbledon. Need I say more?
Oh yeah, and we got through 2 large punnets in two days. 'Kay, I'm done now.

8) The parents and I decided to take a walk today.. just 'cause I don't get personal often (lie) this is where I live. West country and spectacular.

9) I can't stop eating Toblerone, guys.

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For the love of bikes

Everyone.
Batten down the hatches.
Flee your cities.
Hide in your basements.
Pray to the lord.
Eat some cake.
Do anything to save yourselves.

Why?

'Cause I'm hulking out. That's why.

IT'S THE OVEN, GUYS.
MY OVEN IS BROKEN.

Yeah. It's pretty devastating news... means no cake, cupcakes, brownies, biscuits.
Nothin'.
Zilch. Zeeeroo.

Looks like I'm going to be making best friends with no-bake recipes for the foreseeable future.
But hey, I ain't complaining (much), 'cause look what fell into my vintage-lovin' hands this week!

Guys... meet Bluebell.
Okay, she didn't fall into my hands. I kinda leapt onto her..
We went round to chez-Grandparents for an afternoon in the sun, they opened up the blind and BAM.
There she was. Gleamin', beamin', beautiful.

I just had to take her out for a spin. Dad bought Bluebell about a month ago, and being the crazy bike enthusiast that he is (well, everyone's gotta have a hobby) he gave her a wash, bought her a new basket and voilà!
Bluebell was born.

And just in time for the Velo Vintage!

Yep, I'm taking part this year with Father Shiner and he's going to look a little something like this...

How embarrassing.
Give Granfy's bike back!
You rascal.

And if this all wasn't enough, Nana rubbed her working oven and baking prowess scrumptiously in my face.
Cream tea anyone?

Cheddar scones for Father, of course. Being a fiend for savoury an'all.

How terribly British. What, what?

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4 down, 1 to go...

Awright. Let's talk...

Let's talk about stress.

Ohmygod brain, please, let's not.

No. Stop it. We've got to.

Okay.

SO, as all of you know right now, the exam period has come thick and fast.
Literally fast.
Thick in the sense that most exams are meaty, 2 hour long nerve-filled tension-fests where you write and write like you've never written before.

The handwriting in these essays is slack, my friends. Slack.

But the stress? You can literally smell it. It smells like fear. And invigilator perfume.
Nice.

Oh, and did I mention the hand cramp? 

Me: Must... keep... writing... about... Frankenstein...

Hand Muscles: ARE YOU FREAKING CRAZY. Drop the pen. Drop it.

My talking hands don't help my stress levels.

Did I seriously just start talking to you about talking hands?

Yeah... um can we gloss over that? Together? That would be fabulous.

As you can tell. Stress gets to me a number of different ways. And sometimes kind of seriously.

1) I get headaches

2) I cry

3) I eat

4) I cry some more

5) my stomach goes into a crazy spasm thing.. (overshare? Okay. Sorry. We're just such good friends.)

I know it's stupid. But hand cramps haunt me. 

So, how do I combat this terrifying beast? Well, I tackle number 3 off my list.

I feed myself. Feed my soul.

Cinnamon and chocolate flapjack? Check and check.

If I can give any of you a teeny bit of advice this exam season. Don't you dare starve yo'self.
Whatever you do.

2 reasons :

1) Your stomach will rumble. And in a silent exam room where everyone's trying to secure their futures? Kinda embarrassing.

2) Life's too flapjackin' short. You'll work it off later. Did you know thinking burns calories? Looks like I'm going to have 2.

Chocolate Flapjack with a splash o'Cinnamon
Makes about 30 pieces (depends how famished you are.)

Ingredients
85g granulated sugar
175g unsalted butter
3tbsp golden syrup
340g porridge oats
100g dark chocolate (70% cocoa solids)
Cinnamon

Method
Preheat the oven to 190 degrees and line a 20x30cm baking tin
Gently melt the sugar, butter and syrup together, stir until combined
Once melted, remove from heat, add the oats and stir well until the oats are completely coated
Stir in the chocolate (it'll melt. total yumville)
Stir in generous amounts of cinnamon to your taste
Tip the mixture into the prepared tin, and press in evenly and firmly with the back of a spoon
Bake for about 18 minutes until is smells divine and has turned golden brown
Leave in the tin, to cool

P.S.
My brother was also having a nerve-wrecking time doing his final clarinet recital to end his course at The Royal Academy of Music yesterday.
Joe, these are for you. I bet you were amazeballs. Enjoy! xx

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The Sunday Roast

Hi. It's totally me again.

Thought you'd got rid of me for another week? Well yah. You did.
I bet it was stupidly lonely and laugh-less though...
Am I right, or am I right?

1) Hug me. It's Monday tomorrow.

2) I've been muchin' on these. All week. Revision makes me so huuuungreh.

3) In case you were wondering, (which I know you always do) exams are actually going kinda well right now. It's completely my excuse for not baking a whole lot this week... but hey, what's a gurl to do? Gotta get ma grades. Then I can make all the friggin' delicious browniez I like.

And for all of you out there taking exams at the moment, you're going to relate to this.
I really do apologise for bringing up all the pain/hand cramps/oh-my-god-I'm-a-failure-crying-fits, but here is my week in photos.
Hey, don't look like that... you never know, it might cheer you up. Might.

4) Understatement of the year, I feel.

5) I am super proud of my colourful French tense revision. Took ages. Bloody ages.
So worth it.

6) "I am malicious because I am miserable." -   Huh. I feel ya there, buddy.

7) SO MUCH COLOUR. CAN'T. HANDLE. IT.

8) A sharpie jug will save your life. I'm not even kidding - the blue one's my fave.

9) Staedtler coloured fineliners. Makin' revision bearable since 1835.

(yeah, I Wikipedia'd Staedtler's founding date. Don't judge. I've memorised a stooooopid amount of Frankenstein quotes this week.)

10) I just love random acts of kindness. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally cliché, but it's true. And look what turned up out of the blue the other day...

Isn't it gorgeous! And inside? A beautiful pair of pearl earrings - a good luck present from a family friend.
It took me completely by surprise, and actually really moved me... just shows, it's worth the effort to make someone smile.

11) Look at this, what do you see? (Other than those damned revision plans):

I totally know what you're thinking...
"Is that Eurovision I see printed in beautiful handwriting and in an exclamatory form - therefore signalling it's importance?"
Well, yes. Yes, you do.

For me, Eurovision takes pride of place on my timetable, because it's the highlight of my year. Serious.
I made these to take to Harry's. We watch it every year. It's a tradish.
Don't believe the hype? Don't know what Eurovision is? Firstly : What is wrong with you. Secondly : Google it. You will not be disappointed.
Here is the winner from this year's competition! I bet on her to win. Harry lost. He predicted Germany. Pfft. Eurovision amateur right there.  

12) I made smoothie!! It was pretty scrum. Though, kinda needs an iddy biddy bit a'tweakin'.
Jus'saying. They're a great revision snack. In between the crying fits.

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The Sunday Roast

Bonsoir everyone! (yeah, I'm getting ready for my French speaking exam. Which, ahem, is on Tuesday. Oh my,my,my,my,my,my,my,my,my...)

Brace yourselves. I'm going to do something different right now.

I know, I know... what's going on? I'm mixing it up. Big style.

So here it is guys. My new initiative! It's a little bit more personal than just a recipe, and I've taken inspiration from other blogs who do similar things to this.
I'm pretty excited about it! It just means you kinda, get to know me more and hopefully, I might get to know you more.
Plus, I'll be keeping up my 'one-post-every-week' mantra. Which, I understand has been a bit, well, rubbish recently.
Stoooopid exams. Stoooopid revision. Stoooopid everything.

And the title? Well, I think 'The Sunday Roast' is quite an apt name
Roasting the previous week and whatnot. Always with lashings of gravy. Always.

So, lets get this show on the road, shall we?

This could either prove, or spectacularly shatter any illusions that I'm a really boring person.

Let's do this.

1) Oh. HELLO. What are those two beautiful photos up deeeerrr? Well, they're my Granfy's birthday cakes! Yeah.. he's easily pleased.

"How about a Frangipane tart Granfy?"
"Coffee and walnut?"
"No thanks Jess. I just like a good ol'cupcake."
Literally. What? He's like, the easiest customer. Ever. Every family needs a Granfy.

And I KNOW, it seems like I'm stuck ridin' on the Birthday Bake Bus. It's a rut. But I'll totally get off. Soon. Spontaneously. Probably in Scotland.

Anyway, I think Granfy enjoyed the cakes. Bless.

2) Ahem. Uh. On the subject of Birthdays... uh. well. uhm. This is a little awkward but, uh...

I'VE RECENTLY TURNED 17. OH MY GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.
17 sounds so much older than 16 doesn't it?!
Don't worry. I totally understand that you didn't get me a card or anything.
I'm not bitter. Nope. Not me. At all.

3) Oh, my. Is that the rumbling of an engine I hear in the distance? The unmistakable rumbling of a blue 2005 Vauxhall Corsa to be precise. DATS RIGHT. I'M CRUISIN' FOR A BRUISIN'. YE-AH.

Oh look at us. I have been personally designated as Harry's chauffeur for the foreseeable future.

Of course, I'll have to learn to drive first... DETAILS, DETAILS.
I don't even care. I have a car. The 'L' plates are on. Let's tear up the tarmac.

4)  You know those things that just kinda.. make your tummy feel all warm and fuzzy inside? I get that a lot. Because a lot of things make me happy. But nothing really makes me happier than when someone puts the time aside to bake something special. Just for you. And this year, on my Birthday, I was lucky enough for people to do just that.

First off : Mumma Shiner. Y'know, if you saw us together you'd know instantly that we were mother and daughter. We look the same. Talk the same. Laugh at the same things. I think it freaks people out sometimes.

But, very much unlike me, Mumma very much dislikes baking. I know. Crazy. I guess the cakey gene skipped a generation.
But this year was different, AND LOOK AT WHAT SHE MADE. Teaming up with my Nana, the two of them made this beautiful thing for my Birthday! I saw it. I melted. I had 1... 2 pieces. Okay 3.
But oh sweet Mary Berry was it amazing. Looks like the cakey gene didn't skip a generation after all.

Ohmigod. Don't these look delish? It's cause they were. My wonderful friend Jamie (who makes the best Turkey burgers and wasabi sauce. Like, ever) very kindly thrust this exciting looking tin into my hands. Oh my word. I tell you. Brownie cupcakes? I was not disappointed. And nor were hungry lunch-timers. 

Okay, so. Hands up. Who loves mini things?

ME, ME, ME, ME, ME!
Literally, puppies. Sausage rolls. Frogs. Teeny weeny tiny cakes. LIKE THESE ONES.
Oh goodness. Don't they just make your heart melt?
And not only that...

They were jam-packed into a cake tin. All for me!!

Absolutely gorgeous. And truly delicious. I really envy the baking abilities of my friend Rosie.
She can just look at flour, sugar and eggs and it turns into something beautiful.

And here is the lovely lady herself! Thank you so much Rosie. You really do look dazzling in that tiara.

And last, but by absolutely no means least. These absolutely adorable butterfly cakes made by the gorgeous Jenny (the studious looking one in the red top). Not only were these superbly light, they even had a little glazing of jam underneath the butter cream! Jenny said she wanted to recreate my favourite cake (Victoria sponge) but in miniature! She knows me so, so well.

5) HOLD UP GUYS. The Great British Bake Off won a BAFTA tonight!! Mel and Sue never looked so happy. No sign of Benedict Cumberbatch though. Sad.

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